Something you never thought would happen has happened: you lost a great guy…and now you’re trying to figure out how to get your man back.
Maybe you ended things with him and realize now that you made a big mistake…
Or he ended things and you want him to realize that he made a big mistake…
Whatever caused the breakup, now you want to know how to get your man back. In this article, I’m going to teach you some effective ways to do just that. But they won’t involve games or tricks.
If You Broke Up With Him…
If you did the breaking up, realize that he will be nursing some serious hurt and that his ego may be bruised. You’ll have to prove yourself trustworthy. How can he be sure you won’t break up with him again?
The key is understanding and being able to explain why you broke up with him. Was something wrong in the relationship that you think could be fixed? Talk to him in a non-confrontational way about what went wrong and discuss how things could be different.
It’s important to let him know that you want him back…but that you’re both better off with things being approached differently this time.
If He Broke Up With You…
Get to the root of why he did it. Did he express displeasure at some behavior of yours? Were the two of you constantly bickering about the same things over and over?
You need to be willing to make serious changes to win him back. He’ll be sceptical if you immediately tell him you are willing to change but start by showing him that you’re making the effort.
If There’s Another Woman in the Picture…
If he left you for another woman, I want you to seriously question whether you really want this guy back (especially if he cheated). Sure, he may seem more appealing because some other woman has her hooks in him, but let’s look at the facts: he didn’t respect you enough to stay away from temptation while he was in a relationship with you, so why would you beg him back? How can you be sure it won’t happen again?
Top 13 Tips on How to Get Your Man Back
Now that we’ve discussed a few different scenarios that you may be experiencing through your breakup, let’s look at specific strategies you can put into play today to woo back the guy you’re missing.
1. Step Away from the Situation to Evaluate the Relationship
You’re not 20, so I’m willing to bet that your breakup wasn’t just a heat-of-the-moment kind of thing. There was something wrong in the relationship, regardless of who ended things.
I know right now you’re hurting, but I need you to put on your unbiased glasses for a moment and reflect on the relationship. It’s easy to sweep the bad stuff under the rug and focus on the great stuff post-breakup, but you need to be honest about how the relationship went.
What were the flaws?
What did you argue about?
What behavior of his bothered you?
What behavior of yours bothered him?
If you’re serious about getting back together, you need to have a realistic perspective to understand whether it’s even worth salvaging the relationship and whether you’re both willing to put in the hard work to make things right.
2. Give Him Time and Space To Realize How Awesome You Are
Particularly if he broke up with you, he may need some time away from you to realize what he’s lost. So leave him alone. Follow the No Contact Rule. Vanish from his life.
You can’t in any way force this man to see what he’s given up. He has to do it on his own. Just give him time and space, and if it’s meant to be, he’ll start missing you.
3. Implement the No Contact Rule
I already mentioned the No Contact Rule, but it’s as much for you as for him. Whether you are supposed to get back with this guy or not, having space apart gives you both time to reflect on the relationship and what you want in the future, together or not.
When you’re fresh out of a breakup, all your focus is on how to get your man back. You’re in a reactive state of mind, not a proactive one. You’re in crisis mode and unable to clearly think about things.
In a scientific study published in the journal NeuroImage, researchers found that these two types of thinking, hyper-reactive and proactive, were evident in the brain’s white matter. When subjects thought proactively, their brains showed more white matter. Those that thought reactively were more anxious and had less robust white matter.
“The brain is constantly working to create meaning out of the flood of information that comes at us every waking minute of our day,” Alexander Olsen, who led the study, said, “The reactive system kicks in when something happens that is not expected. Then you need to adapt your behavior and react to the new information. You have to throw away your old plan and come up with a new plan.”
So having time away from this guy can keep you from being overly reactive and give you perspective to help you decide whether you still want to know how to get your man back.
4. Be Willing to Compromise…Within Reason
I want to keep stressing the fact that, if you’re successful in your strategy on how to get your man back, you both will need to make some changes. Things will never go back to how they were.
Whatever was broken, you’ll need to fix, and that likely means compromising on a few things. However, know your limits. You might compromise by agreeing to give him more alone time (that’s what he complained about before) but put your foot down at the prospect of him hanging out with his ex-girlfriend.
5. Don’t Try To Make Him Jealous
Again, you’re not 20, so why take advice geared to younger women (and bad advice, at that)?
Rather than focusing on how he sees you, put energy into how you see yourself. I guarantee you’ll be happier getting out and being social than sitting on the couch bingeing Black Mirror. Find happiness without a man, and if he’s around, believe me, he’ll pay attention to that fact. It’s a bruise to his ego to see you doing so well without him, so that may open the door to a conversation about getting back together when you’re ready.
6. Work On Your Self Confidence
Do you wonder why I talk about confidence so much on this site? It’s because confidence is the secret to being happy and whole, regardless of who you’re dating.
The truth is: I don’t know if this guy is the right one for you. I don’t know whether working on how to get your man back is the right move for you or not. But what I do know is that improving your self-confidence will help you, both in this relationship and future ones, if there are any. Confidence will help every aspect of your life, from love to work, so don’t overlook the importance of it!
7. Pamper Yourself: Look Your Best to Feel Your Best
Again, looking good isn’t to make him jealous. It may work, sure, but my goal here is to make sure you feel your best.
I know you’ve had some bad days where you didn’t want to leave the bed (maybe you didn’t, even). And that’s completely part of the breakup process. But I need you to trust me when I say that you will feel a million times better if you invest in some self care. Put on a dress you feel great in. Get your hair colored. Whatever self-care means to you, do it, because it’s essential for healing, whether you reunite with your ex or not.
8. Be Honest About What Went Wrong
If you’re ready to put all the blame on him, hesitate a minute. It takes two to make a relationship right…or wrong, so don’t underplay your role in what happened.
That’s where spending time away from him can pay off because you have space to really reflect on what happened and accept it. That’s essential if there’s a snowman’s chance in Hell of you working things out.
9. Apologize if You Hurt Him
Once you accept your role in the breakup, it’s important to be humble enough to apologize for what you did. But apologize sincerely. That means not saying, “I’m sorry for hurting you, but you hurt me first!”
If you need him to apologize, and that’s the only reason you’re doing it, don’t bother. That’s not a solid foundation for getting back together.
10. Don’t Play Games
I don’t even need to say anything here. Just don’t play games. It’s simple. You’re an adult, so handle the breakup like one. That’ll increase the odds of you getting back together, by the way.
11. Don’t Use Social Media to Poke At Him
I know women who, after suffering a breakup, post pictures with hot guys on Facebook, hoping to make their exes jealous.
It’s a childish move. It’s a game. See #10.
12. Talk to Him About Your Relationship
If you are going to succeed at getting your man back, you’ve got to open up communication, especially if the two of you had trouble talking about your relationship in the past.
Talk about what went wrong. Encourage him to tell you in the moment if something’s not right so that it won’t escalate into a breakup. When you talk about problems in the present, you can find ways to solve them, but if you let them build up, they end up being bigger than they were initially.
13. Know When To Move On
I sincerely hope that your efforts at getting your man back work and that things pan out. But know that it’s not always right to get back with an ex. You have to trust your gut to understand whether it’s worth pursuing or not.
If you’ve tried to win him back and it’s just not working, realize that this is the sign that it’s time for you to let this guy go and move on. He’s not the one for you. Save your love and energy for the right man who will be the right fit for you.
Learning how to get your man back will take effort. It will be hard. You may want to give up because it means facing your own flaws. But if you believe this man is worth it, then keep on keepin’ on. Hopefully, you’ll find that your relationship is even stronger the second time around.